I am Sorry, But I Won’t Be Making Your Gay Wedding Cake Because This Is An OshKosh B’Gosh Store

I am not homophobic, and to be honest with you, I would love to make a gay wedding cake for you. However, I am sorry to say that you have not entered a bakery or even a place which makes food at all. You see, you have stepped into a clothing store which sells clothes for kids aged 2-7. We are incredibly exclusive to our brand.


I am aware that the issue of bakers refusing to sell gay wedding cakes has generated a lot of buzz in the media, but I am powerless here. I am only authorized to work in the sales department. My job is to offer kids the best looks without making a significant dent in the wallets of their parents. Don’t you notice? I am not trying to take a discriminatory stand, my hands are tied, and I cannot offer any help to you.

Even though I cannot do anything about cakes for the LGBTQIA* community, what I can do is offer you 60% discount on denim wear. So you can purchase toddler overalls or children jeans for any child that you know of. However, in no way, can I make you that lovely seven layered rainbow cake with unicorns like you want. If I may recommend, and I am not trying to interfere with your extra special day by any means, but maybe you should add pink edible glitter to the cake for an additional dash of magic and vibrancy.

Sadly, I cannot make that wedding cake for you.

Wait, what? Are you not together? You two are complete strangers… Well! This is embarrassing, I guess. When I saw you standing too close to each other, and you both were wearing flannels so I just kind of thought. I mean I know that you did not even ask for a gay wedding cake, but with all the buzz in the news, I just thought… Oh, what’s that?

Erm, Wetzel’s Pretzels is two stores away.

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